I know I have been using this blog mostly to keep family and friends up to date with Emily's life and developments; however, today's post is going to be a little different...no pictures...just me sharing what the Lord has been laying on my heart as of late. God has been challenging me on many different levels requiring me to depend on Him and not myself, to find my identity in Him, and to recognize who exactly He is with awe and reverance.
As I was watching Emily play in her exersaucer this morning, I started thinking about all the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me and my family in recent months and years. He orchestrated my steps so that Ben and I would meet and fall in love in college. He knew everything Ben and I would need in a mate, and He made sure we would have our needs met in each other. He has preserved our marriage and made it one where we seek Him together.
I've been given the blessing of wonderful family relationships (moms, dads, sisters, brothers, cousins, grandparents, etc.), and He has had His hand of protection on those I love. My brother-in-law is currently in Afghanistan serving our country as a US Marine. He's been there for 5 1/2 months. He comes home mid-November. His job there has been one with relatively low danger and has been allowed to have almost daily contact with my sister (his wife.) If that's not the hand of God, I don't know what is!
He has provided an awesome church family for Ben and me...a place where we could get involved, make long lasting friendships, and be used by Him. He provided our "Houston parents" (Pastor Bruce & Connie) and just so happens they were in a Gospel singing group for 30 years! He used them to encourage me to sing publicly, to teach me how to, and to provide me opportunity to flex that "blessing muscle" for others. If you had told me a few years ago that I would hold a microphone on stage and sing for congregations of 200+ people, I would have told you you were losing your mind! He brought me out of my comfort zone, and I've been so blessed...much more than those who listen to my songs!
And of course, He watched over my pregnancy with Emily. When I was feeling anxious and nervous about everything going right within the womb and my blood pressure showed my anxiety, He would give me peace. He formed our baby girl and set her into motion, and then He brought her into the world. He was there in the delivery room giving me strength to get through the pain and the tenacity to push with everything I had. Since Emily's birth, I've oftened asked myself why God allowed me to go through so much pain when my friends and acquaintances talked about eating popsicles during their contractions and watching TV between pushes! I think He wanted me to realize I can do nothing and be nothing apart from Him. It was a place of complete and total dependence on the Lord. I could not accomplish what had to be done without Him.
So, with all these blessings and the death of Jesus for me, I've been feeling deep conviction about giving back to Him who has given me so much! I feel in utter debt. Our church has been going through a series called "To Boldy Go." As you can guess, it's about sharing your faith in Jesus Christ with the lost. A few weeks ago, Pastor Bruce gave a really powerful message about this using the story of the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well and how Jesus did not wait for her to come to Him...He went to her to tell her about the living water; therefore, we shouldn't wait for lost people to come walking into the church building to minister to them. We should boldy go to the lost. I felt very convicted and went to the altar after the sermon to offer myself as a bondservant of Christ. He has given me such an indescribable gift in Jesus Christ and has so carefully woven the tapestry of my life, yet I have kept the gift to myself, never thinking about those who don't know Him...who've never had anyone care enough about them to share their precious Jesus. I prayed the Lord would open my eyes to see opportunities around me in my daily life. Now, this is a really big step for me as I'm a very introverted person. I'm not outgoing and bubbly...I'm not someone who's able to just strike up a conversation with anyone about anything let alone about Jesus! I was apprehensive and a little scared of this commitment to say the least, but I meant it, and I was reminded that He doesn't require us to be able in order to be used; He only requires us to be available. Since that day at the altar, Ben and I have shared Jesus with one person (our car salesman). He hasn't accepted Christ, but we planted the seed. I check in with him from time to time via text message to let him know we are praying for him. Please know I say none of this to brag about the great things we are doing for Christ! I do this to ask you for your prayers for me in my mission. I ask that you pray for my commitment and that He continue to open my eyes to those who are thirsty for Him! I tend to have a very cynical view of the world, but the Lord does not see things the way I do, and I'm working on looking at the world through Jesus' eyes and not my own. So, I need your prayers in that regard as well. I'm also writing this to challenge you. Are you being obedient to the Lord's command to go, tell, and baptize in the name of Jesus?
I've never had a friend like my Jesus! Every imperfect human being in my life...whether it be my parents, my husband, my friends, etc...has let me down in one way or another at some point. Even though they all love me and wish they could be perfect for me, they are human. But my Jesus? My Jesus has NEVER let me down. He has never said anything hurtful to me, He's never forgotten my birthday, He's never screened my phone call, He's never laughed at my tears, He's never made me the butt of a joke, He's never criticized my appearance, He's never told me He doesn't have time to listen to my petty problems, He's never cancelled a date with me because He found something better to do. Instead He offers me a comforting ear, tells me I'm beautiful, answers me when I speak to Him, laughs at my sillyness, delights in my worship of Him, devotes His time to me, knows and provides for all my needs, knit me in my mother's womb, and most importantly thought of me while hanging on the cross. I am my beloved's, and He is mine! I've never had a friend like my Jesus!
